Cocooning

I've pretty much cocooned since I returned.  I thought I'd get a good nights sleep and that would be all I needed to feel rested and back to normal.  Wrong.  I really didn't sleep very well when I was away and it has taken me a little longer than I thought to make up for it. 

Tomorrow Tad, Joe, Savannah and I are going to Newton to have dinner with Charlie and Rob and then on Friday I will head to Southeast Kansas to pick up Ted from the camp he worked at this summer.  The camp is so close to Oklahoma that we decided to drive on to visit Aunt Mo, Brock, Mitch and Noei.  I'm picking Charlie up in Newton on my way to get Ted so half the fam will be together.

Sandrine is still in Rabat and she has kept me posted on what is happening at the orphanage.  She is the only volunteer at the orphanage this week and that means she has been very busy.  Three new volunteers will arrive on Saturday and start work on Monday.  Sanddrine will leave Saturday morning for Italy where she will spend a week sightseeing before returning to Canada.  

The first few days I was back I thought our house was so cold but the thermostat was set at the usual temperature.  I guess I was just adjusting to having air conditioning again.  We ordered pizza for dinner on Tuesday and grilled burgers tonight and it was so delicious!  The Moroccan food was alright but nothing beats a good old American burger! 

Sandrine is suppose to send me pictures of the orphanage so I can post some but with the sketchy internet connection she said she would probably wait until she gets back home to send them so it will be another week.

JFK, OMG

I am back in the USA!  I'm at JFK right now enjoying a 15 1/2 hour layover.  Actually our flight was late so the layover is only going to be 14 hours.

I just checked the stats on my blog and I had over 1100 hits while I was in Africa!   Kind of feel like I was caught singing when I didn't think anyone was listening.... except a few who love me enough not to care how I "sing".  Anyway, thank you to all of you that read the blog, I'm glad you did.

To my great friends and amazing family:  I loved finding comments from you and to those of you who couldn't figure out how to post a comment, thanks for the emails but most of all thank you for all you do for me, the support, encouragement and love.

I can't wait to be home!

Starting to pack

I remember the exact moment the idea to do this was born.  I was driving to work and that Matthew West song, "My Own Little World" came on the radio.  The words are something like this:
In my own little world it hardly ever rains, I never go hungry and I always feel safe.  I've got money in my pocket, shoes on my feet.  In my own little world, population me.  What if there's a bigger picture, what if I'm missing out.  What if there's a greater purpose I could be living right now.
My friend Todd was actually the first person I mentioned doing something like this to when he stopped by my desk that morning.  Shortly after that Tad asked me what I wanted to do for my 50th birthday and I told him I wanted to go somewhere and do something outside my comfort zone..... mission: accomplished!

I never thought I would be here for over two weeks and at the end of that two weeks struggle with the thought of leaving.  I am more than ready to see my family and be able to talk on the phone with them, sleep in my own bed and enjoy air conditioning again but I am going to miss this place and these people more than I ever could have imagined.  

It's the middle of the night here, very quiet, just me and my computer  and I still can't come up with any words to describe how I feel about everything that I've seen and experienced here.  I think I need to be further away from it, emotionally and geographically, before I can attempt to do this experience justice.

I've met great people.....

 Ashley

and Sandrine 

 ....to name a few and I have learned that enlightenment can come from the most unlikely people.

Two days in one post

I am so happy to have internet tonight! It was working fine last evening until I signed into my blog.   My big news from yesterday is that the orphanage said it would be okay if we bring our cameras for some pictures.  We can't take any pictures inside but we can take them outside but only with the staff.  It's better than nothing. It was a good day yesterday, we had a lot of fun.  We played music and danced and sang with the kids.  I am not good at either of those activities but no one seemed to mind. 

So we took our cameras today to get some pictures.  Actually, I didn't take mine because someone accidentally set something down on it and broke the screen and I can no longer see what I'm photographing. 
Sandrine took her camera and I will download the pictures onto my computer before I leave.

One thing that has been really hard for me while I've been here is that if we see something that seems wrong or unfair at the orphanage we can't say anything.  We were told about an incident a few years ago when a volunteer complained about the conditions and asked a U.S. diplomat they knew who was living in Morocco to come by and check it out.  After that happened the orphanage didn't allow volunteers for almost six months which was unfortunate for the children.  Luckily, they got a new director who decided to change the policy to allow volunteers to come back.  They do things so differently from the way you or I would do them and it's hard not to say anything.  The first day when they dried every child with the same towel and used the same toothbrush I struggled with keeping my thoughts to myself.   Even though they have enough toothbrushes now for every child to have his or her own they keep them all in a plastic bucket and pull one out at random.  I would love to suggest a way to organize the toothbrushes so each child could have their very own but that would be "against policy". 

I went to the Acima (market) earlier this evening where I bought some cookies and treats to share with the children and workers at the orphanage tomorrow.  It's about a 15 minute walk from here on a dirt path and since I showered after I got home from the orphanage I had to rewash my feet when I got back.  It was the first time I'd gone by myself that far and I think that is a sign that I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my surroundings.

I have met some wonderful people here, I have spent more time with Sandrine than anyone else here and that is really handy since French is her "first language" and most people here speak French as well as Arabic.  I've also gotten to know Ashley really well and she hangs out with me and Sandrine because she said it's like having her mother here.  Ashley is a former Miss North Carolina and is just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.  She is right between my girls in age and I think would be good friends with them if they knew each other.  She said to me yesterday after I was telling some story about Charlie and Betsy, "Do you think I'm a lot like Charlie and Betsy because I think I am."  Yes, Ashley, I do.  She is sending gifts home with me for my kids!  I was going to post a picture of her but I'm having trouble getting it to upload.

Hopefully, I will be able to get some pictures posted tomorrow night.  Heading to bed.

Good night.

Constants

I worked with the special needs kids today. It's not where I thought I'd be, or want to be, when I decided to do this but it's where the greatest need is.  The "regular"  babies are darling and the toddlers are so cute.....so easy to love.  The workers at the orphanage said, "eventually the babies and toddlers get adopted, almost all of them".  I'm so happy that is the case. Unfortunately, the kids I worked with today will never leave the orphanage. It is so heartbreaking to me.

I think of all the "constants" I've had in my life: my parents, my sisters, Tad (for the last 30 years) and my four kids. These children don't have, and never have had someone in their lives that has always been there. The turnover in this area of the orphanage is extremely high. Volunteers come into their lives for a few weeks or a month, and then they drop out of their lives forever. Workers come into their lives for several months, or maybe even years but they eventually move on too. I've spent quite a bit of time around these kids in the past week and a half, and I've learned that Ali likes to have his wheelchair pushed toward the entrance gate so he can watch the cars go by, but he has never been outside that gate. Jamal likes to high five you. Asmae loves to go for a walk but you have to watch her, because if she thinks you're going to "park" her wheelchair and take someone else she will grab one of her wheels and not let go.  I won't be there next week to let the new volunteers (if there are any) know what they like and don't like.  They will see new faces and hopefully they'll catch onto what it is they want/need.   I will fly back home to my wonderful life that is filled with so many blessings.

I've found myself wondering what their purpose in life is.... isn't their a plan for everyone?  Then, just tonight I had an epiphany of sorts.  These kids are powerful, they change lives.

Good night.

Anonymous kindness

My Dad was all about anonymous kindness. I remember him telling me on more than one occasion that if you talk about the good things you do, you give away the good feeling you get from doing them. I took new toothbrushes and sponges to the bathing room at the orphanage on Friday. I didn't tell anyone, I just put them next to the worn out stuff that was there. Today when we showed up there was no sign of new toothbrushes, sponges and hair brushes. So much for anonymous kindness. Turns out you have to give the items to the director so she can inventory them and they can account for them at the end of everyday so they don't get stolen. I guess I just provided the staff with some new toothbrushes and sponges. It's frustrating but it's hard to be angry. I can only imagine how desperate you must be to steal from this orphanage that has so little. I will go through the proper channels this next time.

I just could not imagine not getting a picture of Ali before I leave but since we can't take our cameras it was not going to happen. Well, I took my phone (hey, it's not a camera) and I, with some help from Sandrine, was able to get a picture of sweet Ali. I don't get any kind of signal here so the only way I could share it with you was to take a picture of the picture on my phone.

javascript:void(0)

I had a great day at the orphanage. It was a beautiful day and after getting the kids bathed we got to spend a lot of time outside. When they're inside they are basically just laying in their beds so they love to go outside.

I took some fingernail polish today so I could paint some of the girls fingernails. It was so funny because after painting several girls nails three nurses (I use that term loosely) came over and asked me to paint their nails. There are a lot of pink nails at the orphanage right now!

Here is another picture of Sandrine caring for another stray animal on the streets of Morocco. She is very kind hearted and I'm so glad I've gotten to know her.

After dinner this evening Adaji got her henna syringe out and did Moroccan henna tattoos on our hands. It was a great way to spend the evening. This picture is actually of Sandrine's tattoo.

It is late and it's taken me awhile to get these pictures uploaded. I have not proofed this post so I apologize in advance for any typos or mistakes.

Good night.

Happy Father's Day to Tad!

This is the first father's day since Tad and I've been married that we've not been together. Hopefully Joe Henry remembers where I put the gifts and he has already given them to his dad. I wanted to post a picture of Tad and the kids. The only pic I could find on this laptop is really old but I'm posting it anyway. It was taken in San Antonio after KU won the NCAA basketball championship in 2008.

Sandrine is back! She said her trip to the desert was amazing and her camel was really nice too. I snapped this picture of her sitting on her bunk when she returned. She warned me not to ever show it to anyone but I think it's a good picture considering she had spent 22 of the last 48 hours in a bus and three hours on a camel.

There are some really skinny cats hanging around the main road and Sandrine has been worrying about them. When she was traveling to the desert they stopped for supplies and she bought some sardines and tuna. Anyway, I went with her this evening to feed the cats a feast. As we were feeding them a man came along and was digging in the trash looking for food. We ended up giving him a container of tuna.

There are so many beggers in the streets. The average monthly income for people in Morocco is $80 a month. There are some really rich people here so you can imagine there are many, many more poor people. At orientation they were saying that there is no middle class in Morocco, you either have a lot or you have nothing and the vast majority of Moroccans fall in the latter category.

I wanted to get this posted earlier in the day so Tad would know I was thinking about him but the internet did not start working until just a short time ago. They said, traditionally, you don't get good internet service on Sunday, crazy!

More tomorrow.

Slower paced day

Today I was having breakfast and a gal was lamenting the fact that there is no salt on the table here, just pepper, she said she really misses salt. She asked me what I missed the most and I said I missed being able to talk to my kids and Tad whenever I wanted. I've not spoken to anyone in my family since I left the United States. I know all about skype but I made a decision before I left not to download it. I was afraid it would become a distraction. If I started skyping with my girls I wouldn't want to do much else and I really want to have both feet right here in Rabat.

Every day has been filled to the brim with things to do, until today. Today moved at a much slower pace. I did some laundry. When I was packing for the trip I told Tad there must be laundry facilities because they suggested bringing laundry soap to wash your essentials. Tad said, "Mel, it might just be a sink". It pains me to say it but Tad was right, the laundry facility is a sink. I washed some things and hung them out to dry which took no time at all.

I did some shopping and was able to cross several things off my list. I even enlisted Tad's help in finding resources for some items. Tomorrow will be business as usual in Rabat since Sunday is not a holy day here so I will continue on my quest. I'm really missing Sandrine as she is my interpreter and I'm going to need her help to negotiate a few things. She's somewhere in the desert with a camel and will be back late tomorrow.

I found myself thinking about Ali, Jamel, Nadia and the other kids at the orphanage. I hope someone took them outside because it was such a nice day. I will be ready to get back there on Monday.

One week down....

I really can't believe it's Friday and I've been here nearly a week. We left the orphanage a bit early today because some of the volunteers are going on a trip to the Sahara Desert for the weekend and their tour guide was picking them up at 4 this afternoon. It's an eleven hour drive and then two hours on camel, they'll sleep in the desert and then turn around and drive back. I was out at "eleven hour drive...."

The orphanage was a bevy of activity today. There were six babies being visited by there soon to be mommies and daddies and a grandma too! There is a lady from Barcelona that has been there pushing her little boy in a stroller everyday this week. She speaks pretty good English and she told me today that she has been living in Rabat for four months and her husband comes on Friday and stays through Monday. She said she comes everyday and strolls with him and sits on a blanket in the quad and plays with him. NOTE: I started calling the area between the buildings "the quad" because it reminds me of the quad at HHS, it's starting to gain some momentum, the other vols are calling it the quad now too! Anyway, Miss Barcelona said that the adoption process is long but not as long as other countries. She still does not have a definitive date when they will take their little guy home.

Another women was there with her mom. Her little boy is only three weeks old and this is her second visit to see him. She didn't speak English so I got my info second hand from Sandrine. I didn't get "the story" from all of the visitors but their faces said a lot.... they are very happy to have these babies. I don't think little girls can be adopted by people outside of the country. I guess couples will need to go to China for a girl and Morocco if they want a boy.

There is a woman named Adaji that comes to the home base and cooks meals for us. It is traditional Moroccan cuisine. I took some pictures of our dinner tonight. I don't have any idea what the dishes are called, the only two things I could identify were the tomatoes and cucumbers.

Bread is considered sacred and we are not to throw any of it away. We clean our plates but we take any bread we didn't finish and lay it on the ledge of the window. I inadvertently tossed some crust away a few days ago and decided to just let it go as opposed to digging it out of the trash. Later in the evening it was on the window ledge so someone rescued it. I love bread as much as the next person but if I was going to make a food sacred I would probably go with chocolate.

Back in the saddle

When I set this blog up it was my plan to blog at least once a day so my family and friends would know how I was doing. I thought it would be easier and less complicated than sending emails. I never, for even one second, thought I would struggle, that I would not be able to open my computer and start spilling out my thoughts.

I came here hoping to make a difference, make life a little better on some level for these kids, but what it feels like is I'm standing on the edge of a raging fire…..with a squirt gun. Yesterday was difficult, and last night when I thought about what I’d write, I would start to cry. I don't mean tears would sting my eyes and never fall, I mean cry. I ended up sending Tad a quick email saying, "I'm fine, no blog entry tonight" and I shut my computer down and sat outside under the lunar eclipse.

This orphanage is for "abandoned children" which seems a bit redundant, because isn't every orphan abandoned? Anyway, they have a group of children with special needs, and we were helping in that area yesterday. The kids range in age from two years old to teenagers. They are, physically, very disabled. I really struggled, in part because I know, without a doubt if any of these kids, with the exception of one, had been born in Reno County and had the benefit of an organization called TECH and the Early Education Center, they would be able to function day to day and possibly live on their own. Let me tell you, this area made the main orphanage look like high dollar day care.

These kids were left at the orphanage because they were less than perfect; some families view these kids as shameful. There is a blind boy that seems normal, other than the fact that he is blind. He was not born blind but had acid poured in his eyes when he was small so he is very scarred. There is no one working with him or teaching him how to manage. He just wonders around and screams when he gets scared and doesn't know where he is. There is no physical therapy, or structure for these kids. I did not see even one toy. That will change before I leave.

There's this boy named, Ali, he's around 15 and very handsome. He could say his name and a few other words in arabic. I took him outside in his wheelchair to walk around and when a yard man or nurse would walk by they would say his name and he was quick to smile and he would raise his hand to shake theirs. I just felt like he was aware of what was going on and somehow trapped inside a body that doesn't work. I kept pointing to him and saying, "Ali" and then to myself and saying, "Mel". Later in the day when I pointed to him he said "Ali" and when I pointed to myself he said, "Mel". It was amazing and he smiled so big. At one point in the day he was pointing to my watch and then to another boys shirt and I didn't know what he was trying to tell me then I realized they were both pink. This kid is smart! When we were getting ready to leave I went and saw him one last time, I put my hand on his face and said goodbye and he flashed that smile.

I'm back in the saddle. The crying has stopped. I will get some things done before I leave. I'm working on getting some toys for the special needs section of the orphanage, and I'm getting a few other items they need like plungers, towels etc. I've found a few things but I think I will be able to get a lot of things this weekend when I have more time.

By the way, I got to spend some time with Ali again today. I wish I could bring him home with me!

More tomorrow.....

A better day

Today was a much better day. I think I just needed time to process what I saw, smelled and felt yesterday and having done that I'm feeling much better. I truly believe the orphanage is doing the best it can with the resources they have. The kids are darling and they get bathed everyday and they have clean clothes to put on, that alone is saying something.

Tad told me it was fine to bring back souvenirs but not to bring any children home with me. I told him I wouldn't but it's going to be harder than I thought. There was a French couple at the orphanage today and they are adopting a little boy. It was so precious and I can tell they will be a wonderful little family. They came to hold him and play with him as they wait for paperwork to get finished so basically he's on layaway. I don't know what the time line is but they said they would be back tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing them again.

When we were outside one of the older kids, a young boy maybe eight or nine years old, was being a little ornery and this worker hit him upside the head, knocked him down and put her foot on his upper back/shoulder when he was on the ground. I so wanted to do the same thing to her but I just gave her the stink-eye instead. This culture is so different from ours. Some of the things that are unacceptable or even illegal in the US are not just tolerated here but accepted.

As I'm typing this "call to prayer" just started. It reminds me of the "noon whistle" in Stockton when I was growing up except it happens five times a day. The first time I heard it I thought there must be cattle nearby and one of them must be stuck in a mud hole. Wrong. That guy's throat has to be sore.

Okay, I digressed, sorry. After we finished working Sandrine and I went back to the medina. We actually took the bus instead of a taxi and it was quite an experience. When we got on it wasn't too crowded but we still had to stand. By the time we arrived at the medina it was body to body and no Right Guard was on duty. I told Sandrine that I didn't know how much more my sniffer could take.

I've lost my connection several times since I started this post but luckily it saved to draft so I didn't have to start over. I'm going to go ahead and get this posted before the internet goes down again. Good night.
P.S. - Tad, please water the plants and feed Mulligan. LY

First day at the orphanage

I went to the orphanage today. It's going to be hard to find the words to describe what it was like, it was overwhelming, emotionally. I'm not sure what I expected, I guess on some level I expected to just love on these kids and play with them. It was very hands on but in an assembly line sort-of way. I went with three other women and it was the first time any of us had been there. Orientation did not prepare us, not really.

Kids were brought into this room where there are three slabs, for lack of a better word, where they were lathered up, rinsed off and their teeth brushed, using the same toothbrush. They were handed to us next and we diapered and dressed them then we brushed their hair and then handed them off. Next we fed them breakfast which was crumbled bread mixed with warm milk and bottles for the babies. I saw nurses standing next to beds giving bottles. Someone asked if they could pick them up and they said, "this way is easier". I found myself on the verge of tears several times. I'm already worried about who is coming after us to help them.

We are not allowed to take any pictures at the orphanage, can't even take our cameras, so I took a picture of a sign that hangs on the wall at our "home base" when we returned.

When I got back to the home base I slept for three hours. I'm not a napper and I'm sure Tad is happy not to have me next to him tonight, tossing and turning and waking him every hour or so to say, "I can't get to sleep".

They are shutting the lights out so I need to shut down my computer or the bugs will be all over my screen.

Good night.

Something for everyone.....

We had orientation this morning and then we went to the medina or outdoor market this afternoon. It was an interesting experience and I've posted a few pics so you can see some of the interesting items I found while I was there.

I will never be able to eat fudge again without thinking of the "buggy" fudge I saw today. I was surprised at the number of people lined up to buy it.... even with all the bugs on it. They just brushed the bugs off and dug in. They had small, medium, large and extra large turtles for sale. I don't have any idea what was in the blue cage at the bottom of the picture. It looked to be a cross between a miniature tiger and a little monkey. I did not buy anything.

I will go the short distance to the orphanage tomorrow morning at 7:30. They informed us today at orientation that we can't take our cameras, no photos can be taken at the orphanage. We will be bathing and caring for these children and they do not want to risk anyone trying to exploit them. I find it very sad that they have to worry about such a thing.

More tomorrow..... good night.

Here at last, here at last!

I arrived in Rabat early this afternoon. Tad and I got up about 4am yesterday and he left me at the airport around 6am. The most exciting part of the trip was when I got off the plane at gate 7 at JFK. I turned to my right looking for a kiosk that would tell me which gate I would need to go to next when I noticed this person sort of camped out with her laptop and luggage. I did a double take and realized it was Melanie, yes, my twin sister! She was waiting to fly to Tel Aviv. Of course, I knew she was going to Tel Aviv but she'd left a full day ahead of me. What I didn't know was that her flight to JFK was diverted to Philadelphia the day before because of weather. By the time she got into JFK she'd missed her connection and Delta booked her to leave on a 7:30pm flight Friday. We spent about two hours together visiting and eating lunch and then I had to make my way to terminal one for my next leg of the journey. NOTE: JFK needs better signage.

When I was waiting to check in at the Wichita airport yesterday this family was lining their luggage up and snapping pictures of it. I must have looked at them strangely because the mother of the clan said, "If you lose your luggage a picture of it can help to expedite the recovery". Well, I thought that sounded like a good idea b/c I needed to be all about expediting the recovery of my luggage should it get "lost".

Did you notice it weighed in nine pounds under the limit? Probably won't be the case on the return home. Thankfully, it arrived and so did I. All is good.

Orientation tomorrow.....

T minus two days and counting.....

I've just about finished packing which is really saying something because I'm usually not finished packing until Tad is in the driveway honking the horn. I'm so worried about forgetting something, probably because I know I won't be able to just run to a Dillon's or Target and pick up whatever it is I forgot.

Joe Henry left for football team camp at Pitt State this morning. It's going to be very hot and flat out brutal. We sent him with a case of water, some propel and lots of healthy snacks. I miss him already and I'm so glad I'll get to see him, albeit briefly, when he gets back then it's off to Africa for me. I'm going to be working at the Lala Maryem Children's Orphanage for abandoned children. I can't wait to immerse myself in the work and the culture.

Getting my ducks in a row.....

I'm trying to get everything organized and ready so I can leave on my trip to Africa next week, actually, ready or not I'm leaving. I've not been stressed because things just seem to be falling into place, that was until today when I went to pick up my prescription for the typhoid fever vaccine. Turns out Dillon's (and every other pharmacy in Hutch) does not keep the oral typhoid vaccine at the ready. It's rather expensive, expires quickly and isn't used often. I have my last series of shots tomorrow in Wichita so I'm hoping I will be able to find it there.

In other news, my daughter, Charlie, fell down a flight of stairs last night while carrying a television. She landed face down and the tv landed on her back, how that happened, I've no clue nor does she. Aunt Tam got her in to see the doctor today post-haste and it turns out she has some cracked ribs and is pretty bruised up. I think we're so lucky it wasn't any worse and thankfully Betsy and Callie are there to take care of her. It gave me an ache in the pit of my stomach thinking about leaving when she has so much to do before she and Rob move to Newton and now this. When I scheduled this trip last summer I knew I would miss getting Joe Henry off to some of his summer camps but I really had no idea what else would be happening in June. I know now that I will miss the move to Newton, family day at Westminster Woods (the camp Tedder is working at this summer), Father's Day (I have the gift wrapped and ready for Tad) and of course sip'n dip, just to name a few.

I know my kids will do just fine without me, I just don't like to miss an opportunity to help them or hang out with them. Blessed.........

What goes up, must come down.....

When I told my daughter, Charlie, I started a blog she immediately asked, "What's the name of it?" When I told her "lifeonthedownhillside" she said "Oh, Momma!". She didn't like to think of me on the downhill side of life. The fact is, I turned 50 earlier this year. I have some friends that have, admittedly, struggled with turning the big 5 - 0. I have never had a problem with growing older and February 2, 2011 was a day like any other for me. However, now that I'm four months into my 50th year I'm starting to give it more thought. I've never thought in terms of "getting old" because I feel more like I'm 30 than 50 but I realize that I am on the downhill side of my life on this earth. Now, just so you know, that doesn't scare me, what does scare me is that I still have so much to do before I move on so I need to get busy.

When I discussed with my husband, Tad, what I wanted to do for my 50th I told him in no uncertain terms that I did NOT want a party. He suggested a trip to a beach to which I replied, "I do not want a tan for my 50th birthday". I decided I wanted to "give back" in some way, as a thank you for all the blessings I have in my life. So, here's the plan - I'm going to Africa to do some "giving back". Stay tuned.....

Blogging..... at my age?

Blogging seems like such a 20 something thing to do. My girls, Charlie and Betsy, talk about blogging quite a lot. When they have a new idea they often say they "read it on a blog" or they have a new recipe they "found it on a blog". My daughter Charlie started her own blog and it has inspired me to start one too. My children inspire me a lot, I think it's safe to say, they ARE my inspiration!